not a resolution

I guess it isn't a new year's resolution if it starts before the new year...... But here I am anyway, starting to blog. Again.


I remembered how much blogging helped me process my experiences and gave me persepective.

And how it created an online community where I could lay out my thoughts and then read others in response.

I liked it. And then I got lazy. So here I am. Starting again.

I'm not even sure anyone reads this blog. In fact, if I wanted to you read my blog, I really would prefer you to read www.jennifercranephotography.com..... But I just need a personal outlet. A place I can post things that aren't photos. or maybe are photos, but without the pressure of being associated with my job.

Here we go............ see you around!

grace has overwhelmed....

**this has been wrecking me recently... an idea and topic that I can't seem to shake...**

Death is lurking.

Actually, its not even lurking.... It is very, very present. I see it daily.

Eating away at the children I care for. Consuming their bodies, destroying their will, their livelihood.

War rages. People steal the lives of others for things as inconsequential as money and fame.

The earth groans. Shakes. Splits open. Millions of lives stopped in their tracks, changed forever.

We face death daily. And we say that "they were taken too early" or "he was too young." We call it a tragedy, or a catastrophe, as though we are surprised by Death's appearance and affect on our lives.

We are a dying people. We were born, for our life to only end.

That's it. The most basic truth. All that lives, dies.

And yet, we are given a Life.


Not just a fleeting, bland, boring life. A Life abundant.

A Life full of beauty. LOVE. smiles. passion. excitement. adventure. sadness. pain. joy.

None of which we deserve. None of which I deserve.

In my depravity, He still persues me. He still desires to know me in an intimate, personal way. He makes my soul alive with victory. He overwhelms me with His faithfulness.

He is so surprising. That though I never asked for it and I don't deserve it, He pours this beauty out on us. Allows us to encounter Him and his creation. Allows us to be changed...

He gave me a story, and is active in my story. My story is valuable to Him. He moves and works in my story, proving His Love for me.
He is good and His Love endures.

(images from www.weheartit.com)

all that matters.

I am daily confronted with decisions, moments and challenges that feel like a big deal that make me stop and worry, or fret about the solution. the answer. the action I should make.

I get so caught up in the day to day, that I forget the one thing that is important in this life.

Loving HIM and making His love known.

He is good. He will work things to His will. All we must do is follow Him and share His word.

How simple it seems. How easy that sounds.

But then I find myself arguing with God. Telling Him that things He wants me to do sound so hard. And I don't want to sacrifice any more. I don't want to abandon anymore. And then He says...

"Following ME is all that is important...

not getting married. not having a shower every day. not eating cheeseburgers whenever you want. not working and making money. not even living in community.

none of that matters. only following me. only making my love known to the world."

It kind of puts things in perspective.

How quickly my life becomes petty and self-centered. I have only been home 3 months, and already I have zoomed in on my life, and made everything orbit my needs and desires. Just a few months ago, my needs were last on the list. My clothes, hair, toenails, hunger and belongings were a non-issue. Today they consume my thoughts.

This disturbs me.

Deeply.

How I long to live fully surrendered daily. How I so much desire for my focus to be Him. For my pursual of HIS GLORY the ONLY thing that matters...

www.jennifercrane.theworldrace.org

so I'm traveling the world for a year....

stay tuned for more.

to lose everything.
to count it all as loss.
to depend on only Him.

it sounds good. in theory. but to go a year with out the things to which i am accustomed? a year with out dr. pepper? my ibook? by books? my family? popcorn? my bed? air conditioning? a closet? toilets?

i don't know how i feel about that.

and maybe that is exactly the reason i should go....
maybe....

no matter how long i walk with the lord, no matter how mature my relationship with Him may become, i will never get used to this. i will never become accustomed to the unfailing, reliable, and amazing way that he answers prayers. he consistently shows his face just when you have no idea what might happen. when faced with large choices and outcries of despiration (no matter how inconsequential it may seem) he is faithful. and surprising.

so here's to new adventures. and big decisions. and exciting beginnings.